God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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