Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
