How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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