I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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