the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
