I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
