Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
