I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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