you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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