I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
