I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
