There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
