3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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