just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
