i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
