and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So many bounce houses so little time
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
