She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
