When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The beers last night were like the tears from god
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
