There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
