your thong is hanging out like whoa
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We have started to decorate penises.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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