seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
