he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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