Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
