There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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