I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
