she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
