And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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