Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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