I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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