wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Nobody cheats on THIS.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
