don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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