i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
