My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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