Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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