ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So many bounce houses so little time
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
