So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
honey bunches of taint.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
