is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
