Just fell off a train. Bad.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
