Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
