we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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