There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO