hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going