I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"