Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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