I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
