Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
