You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
