I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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