Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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