we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
