What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
