Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
