I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
