He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
