He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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