There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
