i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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