mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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