Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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