he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
