guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
