hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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