How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
