Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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